SAINTS ROW THE THIRD
Genre: 3rd-person Shooter, Action, Adventure
Available Platforms: PC, PS3, 360
Platform I played it on: PC
Developer: Volition
Publisher: THQ
I must confess that I jumped into the Saint’s Row series with the third game. I had heard of the series before, whispered as “that GTA clone”, but I had a friend who sang to me of the virtues of SR2 (including, but not limited to, the insane amounts of customization) and recommended it to me. At the time, 3 was already on its way and the marketing was pushing the wacky insaneness of the title, so I decided to hold out on 2 and just get the newer game when it came out. Which I did. It has to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in life.
Saint’s Row “The Third” is an open-world third-person shooter, admittedly in the same vein of GTA, characterized by its themes of gangsterism and mature content, also much like the GTA games. What sets Saint’s Row apart is that it is utterly insane and irreverent and just an exploding double rainbow of awesome fun. It follows your own player-created character (I played a ripped, tat’d up, silver glowing-skinned dude myself, just coz), known as the Boss, the leader of the 3rd Street Saints: a once notorious gang which has grown into a brand name and media empire. The Saints are America’s sweet, lovable rogues and have become pop culture icons. While in the process of robbing a bank as a publicity stunt, they get unexpectedly arrested and given over to the owner of the bank in his private jet. Shit goes down in the jet and the Boss and one of his lieutenants land in the city of Steelport, which is run by the criminal organization called “The Syndicate”, a coalition of 3 very different gangs who have divided control of the city up equally between them. Naturally the Boss calls in his Saints and proceeds to just fuck shit up and take over the city, driven by his/her quest for brutal, painful vengeance against the leader of the Syndicate.
The story is suitably absurb, while still being epic in scale and weirdly touching and personal a lot of the time. It’s a well written yarn, with the dialogue and interactions between the characters being a real delight to watch. That’s the thing about this game: you expect some bullshit, machismo laden action romp, and you get it, BUT with the added bonus of actually having a good, very enjoyable story headed by a cast of interesting characters. Sure things move along at a breakneck pace that’s hard to keep up with sometimes, but through all the obligatory bullets and giant explosions there’s an actual story with some really good plot twists and an actually compelling, likeable characters. The characters are insane, sure, but then who isn’t in this world? Everybody you meet, from your Saint lieutenants (and best friends) Shaundi and Pierce, to the allies and enemies you make in Steelport are just fun and crazy in the right kind of way and succeed in drawing you into the game. There are a few moments in the game that require you to make a decision that changes the flow of the storyline completely and this touch of personalization of the story and abject morality is a nice detail to have and helps engross you even further into the story.
Saint’s Row 3’s gameplay is a mix of the usual 3rd-person shooter mechanics, such as a weapon wheel containing a large variety of creative and standard weaponry for you to use and abuse (purple dildo bats man, what more do you need?), all of which is upgradeable using cash; as well as an arsenal of vehicles, including JETS AND TANKS! There are a metric shit ton of customization options available to player, for everything from your look and body, your clothing, the insane amount of vehicles available to you, your home properties in Steelport, as well as your own weaponry to make them look unique. You are awarded experience points (known as respect) and cash for doing missions and miscellaneous challenges, which is then used to gain extra abilities and perks for your character and your gang in order to turn them into more badass killing machines. There is a TON of shit to do in Steelport. Apart from the story missions and fun, random ambient challenges and collectibles, there are a wide variety of different side mission types, such as Mayhem (in which your only objective is to blow shit up), or the “Genkibowl” (which is an insane arena commentated on by hilarious announcers). There are 3 gangs for you to take on in the game, consisting of: the Morningstar, the gang lead by Loren, the “main” villian, which are basically the normal enemies of the game with no real gimmick; the Luchadores, who are exactly as their name implies and lead by the wrestler Killbane; and the Deckers, a hacker group lead by Matt Miller, who can hack into a cyber-space world. Each gang have the same basic enemy types, albeit with some slight differences and unique “classes”, gimmicks and variations. You take on these gangs in turf wars in order to erode their authority in different areas of the city, as well as expand the Saint’s own influence in the city.
I have very few complaints about the game. It suffers from the usual open world mission fatigue, despite of, or possibly because of, all the different mission types available for you to do. This is a problem that persists in most open world games though, although it may also be exacerbated by my play style of having to finish all available side missions before doing the next story mission. The story’s pacing is as insane as the rest of the game and doesn’t wait for you to catch up. This became especially apparent to me at the end of one story mission in which (*SPOILER*) someone dies without me even noticing or realizing it had happened until it was pointed out in the next mission! The city of Steelport is also a little bland and not as alive as some other open world cities crafted in gaming. Combine this with dumb, boring NPC A.I. (including ally NPC’s you can call in to help you) and it can detract from the experience. Thankfully the missions will keep you entertained where the A.I. won’t. For those put off by vulgar content and often juvenile humour, all I can say is don’t play the fucking game, it is definitely NOT for you. It is clearly aimed to try and goad those types of people in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way, in much the same way as a GTA game does, always pushing things a little bit further just to see where the line actually is and to drum up its own controversy.
Overall, this game is just fun as dicks. The scope of the game is absolutely HUGE and insane. Almost every feature you could think of to have in a game is added in and to go into all of them would be madness. Suffice it to say that it is jam-packed with shit to do and will keep you entertained for many, many hours. The game is hilarious in that vulgar, no holds-barred way and I admit to laughing gleefully throughout the majority of the game. It tries its hardest to be as ridiculous and provocative as possible and that’s its appeal in a nutshell. It’s pure, unadulterated FUN in the truest sense of the word and it’s just amazing on so many levels. Containing a kick-ass soundtrack (both licensed and original), smooth, fun gameplay, an awesome sense of humour, pop culture and video game references out the ass, and a great (if slightly disjointed) story, this game is definitely worth checking out. If you haven’t yet played the game, then go get it and play it now! Sit back, enjoy and thank me later.
Conclusion: 4 purple dildos out of a possible 5
SAINTS ROW 4
Genre: 3rd-person Shooter, Action, Adventure, RPG
Available Platforms: PC, PS3, 360, PS4, Xbox One
Platform I played it on: PC
Developer(s): Volition, High Voltage Software
Publisher: Deep Silver
Take the insane fun and irreverence of Saint’s Row The Third and mix in a healthy dose of superpowers and nostalgia. Now boil all that together until it explodes in a thick, gooey mess. I like to think that was the premise of Saint’s Row IV on the game’s design document because let me just tell you: it fucking works. The story follows the Boss of the 3rd Street Saints, now the elected president of the United States after stopping a nuclear missile in the most insane way possible (naturally). Just when things are looking awesome, aliens attack, lead by the warlord Zinyak. The Boss wakes up in a computer simulation of Steelport and as he escapes from it back into the real world, he is forced to witness the destruction of the Earth. Driven by revenge, the Boss dives back into the simulation where Zinyak is storing a few select human consciousnesses in fear in order to break them for unknown reasons. He/she embarks on a mission to free the surviving Saints and allies from the simulation in order to build up a team to take on Zinyak, get revenge and free the surviving humans from the simulation in the process.
The game takes place in both a simulation version of Steelport, where the majority of the game, story and missions take place, as well as the real world after the destruction of Earth. This real world is a parody of the Mass Effect game series, in which the player can interact with his/her team members on a space ship and solicit “romance” from any and all of them for some of the game’s funniest scenarios. It’s little touches like this that make this game series so amazing. It also helps that the story is really well written and has that strange intelligence and self-awareness that 3 did. The story is also a little more serious and final this time around, while retaining the series’ usual sense of humour and hilarity. You can’t help but feel like this is the end and it brings a weird sort of heart-breaking quality to the entire game and story as you’re unsure exactly where everything is going and whether or not the game will even have a happy ending or if everybody will make it out alright (again similar to Mass Effect). Is it weird to have so much empathy for characters who are essentially violently sociopathic, amoral criminals?
Speaking of the cast, almost every single character who ever came in a Saint’s Row game before makes a return to the game, along with a few new faces. Some show up for cameo appearances, while others play a larger role in the grand scheme of things and join your crew in various degrees and positions. They are the usual mix of zany, unbelievably likeable misfits and a greater emphasis has been put on interacting with them, with the ability to talk to them at any time, romance them as much as you like, as well as each member having their own loyalty mission for you to complete (another nod to Mass Effect. This is getting weird…). The simulation you spend the majority of your time in is essentially just a video game and this gives the entire game a very metaphysical tone. The game is well aware of this and takes advantage of in the form of making the simulation very computer/virtual reality-like in various ways to improve the gameplay.
The gameplay is what you’d come to expect from the series, with the added bonus of MOTHERFUCKING SUPERPOWERS. You are able to purchase a wide variety of different powers to help you have more fun inside the simulation as you save the survivors of the human race and assemble your crew. Some of these powers include gliding, being able to leap buildings in a single bound, being able to run faster than most cars, and elemental attack powers to enhance your combat abilities alongside the usual arsenal of guns. All the previous customization options, guns and vehicle varieties make a welcome return, and there’s the obligatory SHIT TON of missions, activities and collectibles to participate in, most of them built around the computer-themed and/or superpower driven twist to suit the new setting. The entire game is very similar in a lot of ways to SR3, just with a different coat of paint and re-imagined and tweaked in the style of the new setting and story, which is a good thing as it is instantly recognizable and familiar while still being something fresh and new.
This also means that a lot of the old game’s problems still exists, with the added problems that having superpowers brings. The superpowers can make combat nothing more than an all too easy chore, and while being fun as dicks to play with, making the player character able to move faster while on foot than in vehicles makes vehicles obsolete and frankly boring to use. Nonetheless, this is one of best games I’ve ever played. Ever. I haven’t been able to play an open world game without craving superpowers to be added in since having played this game. It opened up a whole new world of possibilities to me and most likely all gamers who played it. A world where anything and everything goes and everything is just awesome.
The feeling of finality that permeates the entire game was at the same time both heart-warming and heart-breaking. I actually teared up in a handful of really touching moments that show how much thought was put into crafting the game’s story and possible ending. The series’ mature content and humour is still in tact, with an improved and very compelling, personal storyline with a lot of throw backs for the long time fans, and fun, new gameplay tweaks and features to make it a better game in all ways than its predecessor. After the events of SR3, this game just feels so natural, like the laughably normal evolution of the series, and despite the ludicrous premise, it managed to pull it all off in the usual spectacular fashion. If you enjoyed the Saint’s Row series, superpowers or just open world games in general, then play this game. It’s quite possibly the most fun I’ve ever had in a video game, and that’s no lie.
Conclusion: 4.5 robot love scenes out of a possible 5
RANDOM MUSINGS 